He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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