and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Drake has all the answers
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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