I hate your face
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
