Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Also, beer. Big fan.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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