I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
