apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
