im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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