I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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