I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
