Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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