Non-Jews are for practice
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Randomize
