I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
