My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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