Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
