I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
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