You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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