I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
