just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
