2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Randomize
