Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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