I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Randomize
