hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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