Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Randomize
