I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
