just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
