I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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