i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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