she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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