you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize
