God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
