my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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