You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
