I cockslap morals
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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