Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
