First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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