i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
