i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I didn't notice because vodka
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
