I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
