you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
