but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
