I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Randomize
