i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
