would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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