Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
