If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
