is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
