I just pynch a tree in the face
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
