that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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