I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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