Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
