I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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