I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Randomize
