I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
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