Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
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